I have had so many aha moments lately
(where the hell is Oprah when we need her?)
and maybe the biggest
Life just doesn't support our playing dumb.
(when we were kids and we got in trouble, my sister would cover her eyes thinking that if she could not see our parents they could not see her - even then it didn't work - well, it probably did work because she was kinda cute, but it shouldn't have worked, dammit)
When we learn something and we resonate with it and we know that it is true for us and we do not live it, well, things have a way of just not working out and at the very least things have a way of being alot harder.
It's like we get off easy with a little dumb luck early on, but then life says - ok this one knows more and then ... more is expected.
Anyhoo, although I know from my business that it is best to set my intention and work/enjoy the process without trying to control exactly how everything is going to happen, somehow I have not been translating this knowing to life with David.
We set our intention, take action in that direction, then trust that life will take care of the details.
I realized that this was exactly what I was not doing with David.
I was totally focused on the 'hows' - how to get him to agree to see a psychiatrist, get him housing, health insurance, etc, etc - how was I ever going to make these things happen - I was failing.
Then it hit me that maybe the 'hows' are not my job. And it hit me that I already know this, but I just haven't been doing it.
So, I set a clear intention for myself, because I can't control any of this (and I definitely can't control David) and have been doing what I can with what I have from the place I am right now.
I started seeing David visiting a psychiatrist, moving into a wonderful place with other dual diagnosis men, getting to the doctor, having a happy life and I started spending an hour a day (total) doing something in these areas.
Life rewards action after all, but I also have alot of other things to take action on and since the hows are not my job I trust that there are stronger, better hands at work here.
(since changing my thinking or I should say since taking actions that support the truths I already embrace with my thinking - David has agreed to see a psychiatrist, is going to social services tomorrow for the first time with his new intensive case manager - yay, it took 2 months, but we got one - and he got his fishing license)
* shoe print by cookstah