Tuesday, October 28, 2014

just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - part V - repairing our comparing gene


See Parts I, II, III, IV

So, I have been re-languaging my verbal life and finding it actually is re-languaging my inner life. We are either congruent or we fall apart after all.

Positive language (positive meaning certain) is a nemesis of scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinking results in comparison. Comparison is the thief of joy (to quote Teddy Roosevelt). Nobody gets to steal our joy and we certainly don't want to be tossing it away ourselves. Let's not do that.

If it means we have to step away from Facebook or Pinterest or the cafeteria at work or whatever space triggers the 'compare' gene for us, just step away for awhile. Maybe a long while.

Another way to keep from comparing ourselves to others is by pursuing things that cannot be measured. This isn't some kind of cop-out, this is the actual stuff we are here for. Love, happiness, generosity, empathy, compassion, beauty, humility - how can we measure any of this? The more we remove ourselves from society's definitions of success the less negative impact these representations have on us.

Aging is a perfect example. There is simply no way for women to grow older and stay sane without letting go of modern society's definition of beauty. And, of course, the same can be said for men and women of all ages and photo-shopped images and surgically corrected people.

Aging is particularly powerful because we either hold on to something that is definitely leaving or we let go, trusting something better is on the other side. And it is. Anytime we let go of our need to "compare", we win, because the spaces we think we are coming up short have no power over us anymore.

We can also literally change what we are looking at. Anytime we find ourselves comparing our inside to someone else's outside - and this applies whether we come out on top or bottom of this no-win head game - we can take a walk. Go outdoors. We can allow the change in our surroundings to create the change we need in our thinking. This always works. And if the feeling comes back we can just take another walk - not only will we have calves of steel, we will have made friends with all the dogs in our neighborhood and maybe even an actual person aka neighbor.

(of course if this change in scenery takes us to our neighbors gorgeous flower gardens let's not compare them with our own wilting begonias - remember if the grass is greener over there, it's probably because they water it)

I used to be envious of a neighbor's beautiful roses until I started growing my own. They are a lot of work. Mine will probably never be up to her standards of remarkableness. I am perfectly happy with them though. And now, knowing how much work she puts into hers I am grateful I get to enjoy them without having to actually maintain them! I moved my desk this summer for a better view.

Which brings us to gratitude - another way to stop this comparing syndrome is to be grateful for what we have (which always attracts more).

Look for chronic patterns. Some moms get tense when other moms are bragging about their kids. So, if we do this - we recognize it. We don't bury it. We don't judge it. We just look at it. We ask ourselves what this tension is really about. It is never about the other person - the one who is annoying us with her story about Janie's latest win on the soccer field. They are just mirroring an issue for us.

The Sun is in Scorpio until November 21st - this is the time to look deep at what is really going on with our triggers. There is great energetic support to release the stuff that isn't working for us now.

Something I have found that really helps with the 'compare gene' is Bach's Flower Therapy treatments. I took a course about them and have a couple books. I am not an expert though so do your own research and trust your heart.

(I would say trust our gut but if we have been filling it with junk food, it's not much good to us)

I like Oak, White Chestnut, Willow, Chicory, Impatiens. I am going to do a post about them next week. Until then enjoy this amazing Autumn weather - although it felt more like July than late October here in New Jersey today! xo all

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

New Moon Solar Eclipse in Scorpio, October 23rd - let's go for the NEW

prestige by iNeedChemicalX

We have a magical New Moon in Scorpio on Thursday. This is happening at 0 degrees so its ability to start something potent is extra powerful! First the Sun will move into Scorpio, followed by Venus (our values, love, money), then the Moon joins the party.

We had this same degree solar eclipse in October 1995 - so think back to what "new" was created for you then and what has happened since. The New Moon energy boost lasts about two weeks (so take some new action within this time frame). The stuff put into motion now can last for years.

Scorpio is powerful so be prepared to commit to what you start nowActually commit as if your life depends on it ... because it does.

There are multiple beneficial aspects to this one for all of us. This New Moon is conjunct magnetic Venus which adds up to a major new beginning around love, money, values or self-esteem. Neptune in Pisces removes our rational upper limits and encourages us to dream big. Mercury stations direct two days later and we get the answer we need to move us forward. On Monday, Mars moves into Capricorn and we have the energy and drive to make this thing happen.

If you have any planets 0-4 degrees in a fixed sign (Scorpio, Aquarius, Taurus and Leo) you will feel this eclipse energy the strongest.

Scorpio is the sign of elimination so old desires will end now - the void left behind will attract new stuff that lines up with who we are becoming.

This is the time to jump on to a more beneficial train track - why head to Camden when there is a train to Maui leaving, too!

The void we might feel now does not need to leave us with shaky legs - we can know the right stuff will find us. Shaky isn't always a bad thing. We can be shaky with fear or shaky with excitement. In its highest incarnation Scorpio is the Phoenix who rises from the ashes. There is no more powerful sign in the zodiac.

With a Scorpio what you see is what you get - and what you don't see is hidden on purpose. Keep that in mind now. This eclipse, as the energies play out over the next couple weeks, will create focus. I wrote an earlier post about how Scorpio allows focus that might make this point clearer.

A New Moon is always an opening - let's trust in our ability to make an amazing life in this wild, wonderful world!

my scorpio aromatherapy locket
As always New Moons are excellent times to plant seeds with our intentions - everything starts life in the dark after all.

Setting intentions for Scorpio stuff during a Scorpio new moon is very powerful.

These intentions can include (list courtesy of astrologer Jan Spiller) - empowerment, change, crisis skills, self-mastery, sex, soul mates, financial partnerships, avoiding power struggles, secrets, psychology, charisma, restoration, forgiveness, obsessions, compulsions, strength, loans, debts, taxes, inheritances, contracts, revenge, jealousy and guilt.

I usually list my affirmations here but this month mine are words I need to write just once and burn - here is a link to an example of affirmations and tips from another month. xo all

Thursday, October 16, 2014

just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - part IV - the I should be doing "more" syndrome & women who wear purple

she's probably in here somewhere

See Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

(yes, if you are reading this in one sitting, you will need a cup of coffee ... and a muffin ... and maybe probably an aspirin)

I thought I was doing pretty good re-languaging my life when we went out to dinner for my daughter's birthday last week and half way through the meal my daughter said I was driving her crazy (in the way only a mother can do) by repeatedly saying "that's not bad" every time I ate something new.

You might remember from my last post this was exactly the kind of language I have been trying to avoid! Ugh!

I thought ditching the "n'ts" when I was saying something positive would fix this - I did keep myself from saying "this isn't bad".

I said the exact same thing in a different way though.

I guess it's a challenge for me to say, "this is good", or great or delicious without consciously pushing my tongue to use positive language. When I stay unconscious with my language I just naturally want to go the other way. I can see my rules need to be expanded and I am an Aquarian with a Scorpio rising (plus an oldest child and tone deaf singer). I really hate rules.

(and now that I have written this I can see clearly how my rule making is negative, too - always about what not to do - see how this stuff works? - it is deep and tricky - it's like I have swallowed a whining David Blayne.)

This series is not about negative language and this is all subconscious stuff although I do think this way of going through life makes us more prone to a scarcity mindset. It doesn't matter which comes first or what creates what with this stuff - I do know we can often change something by changing something else.

I attended an astrology class years ago and one of the other students was always complaining about work. She loved her job but her relationship with her co-workers was a mess. I can't remember the specifics. I do remember this woman always wore purple. Maybe just this one thing was enough to annoy the hell out of people. I don't know. Totally possible.

One day the teacher turned to her and said, "Enough already about your co-workers. Get a dog". Now this teacher was a master astrologer and enough of a guru to this woman for her to immediately head to the nearest shelter and pick herself out a beautiful blue eyed Akita mix.

Within days her relationship with her co-workers had greatly improved (pets and work are both 6th house in astrology - as well as health, routine, etc -  so a problem with one often can be fixed with attention on another). She even started to join her office mates on their long Wednesday lunches, something she always griped about before. She thanked the teacher for his wisdom.

We noticed over the next few weeks she never complained about work anymore. She complained about her dog all the time though. This woman had Aries in the 6th house and Aries needs an adversary. I am not sure if an adversary who pees on the carpet is better than one who sits next to you in a cubicle, maybe she could have just joined a gym and fought with the treadmill .... changing something by changing something else works though.

I don't think negative feelings that come up after seeing someone else's bright shiny new thing is about jealousy. I don't want anyone else's life. My life is pretty freaking amazing. I just know after seeing some of this stuff I don't feel so great.

For me, it creates the "I should be doing more" syndrome. For example my Facebook friend who is always on vacation has me thinking "why haven't I created a business that can run without me so I can be laying on the beach somewhere warm and tropical while lockets and cork continue to fly across the country and into my customer's waiting hands and mailboxes." I feel like what I am doing isn't enough because I actually have to do it. What kind of ridiculous thinking is this? We can't win this game.

I will tell you my next two steps in my final post next week. The pie really does have an infinite number of slices - there really is enough for all of us.

xo and happy weekend all

NOTE - We have a New Moon in Scorpio next week (I will post about it then) - it's an eclipse and at 0 degrees Scorpio - a 0 degree eclipse in the complex sign of Scorpio is a true new beginning. Stuff we have been trying for could now line up for us. Mercury will move direct two days later and we will know what to do. Get ready.

We are heading into Scorpio season - shop for a Scorpio locket necklace for your favorite Scorpio and get a FREE extra lid set now.